I Am a Beloved Work in Progress

  • Only in the last few years have I actively pursued wellness and more specifically wholeness in Christ.
    • I grew up in a “Catholic” family so while we called ourselves Catholic we didn’t practice our faith which led me to base my self-worth on the world’s standards.
      • Growing up I believed I was ugly and unlovable because I never had a boyfriend.
        • The world looks down on single people.
        • It assumes there must be something wrong with us because no one loves us romantically.
        • I wasn’t confident in myself, had low self-esteem, and was jealous a lot.
        • Focused more on being (or not being) loved.
      • After college when I took writing seriously, I didn’t always enjoy the process.
        • Perfectionism made small mistakes look gigantic.
        • I felt like I was racing against a clock with my publishing goals.
          • Being a success before 30.
        • Despite feeling writing was my calling, it kind of stressed me out before—there were more frustrating days than joyful ones.
  • Since my personal encounter with God around that same time, He’s been healing those misconceptions I grew up with—He’s been chiseling away to form me into who He made me to be since He first loved me.
    • I’m learning to put my self-worth in being His beloved daughter which is giving me a lot of peace and courage in what I do now.
      • I actually love being single now and I believe that’s the vocation I was always meant to have.
        • It’s funny I used to fear growing up single, now I fear having to get married. The irony!
        • I’m more confident and have higher self-esteem.
        • I’m more focused on loving others.
      • I’m more confident and at peace with my vocation as a writer too.
        • I no longer see it as a solo journey, now I see it as working with God and that’s so comforting and encouraging.
        • I’m enjoying and sometimes even loving stages of the process that I feared or disliked before.
          • I preferred revisions over drafting, fixing words over putting new words on the page. Now drafting is fun too!
        • Fear and doubt still creep up on me of course, but I’m trying really hard to run to God in those moments.
        • I’m learning to entrust the fruits of my efforts to God because He made me to be a writer.
          • What those fruits will be or when they’ll be harvested who knows, but I know they’ll be good because they come from God.
            • “The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness.” (2 Cor 9:10)
  • Being chiseled hurts. Healing my brokenness and becoming who God wants me to be is painful and scary.
    • Letting go of my lifelong desire to be a wife and mother hurt and terrified me.
      • The future I’d always envisioned disappeared and I was left wondering what would come next.
    • Acknowledging that the perfectionist mindset I’d been so proud of was actually rooted in pride hurt and embarrassed me.
      • I had to humble myself and recognize my imperfections and mistakes.
    • I’m still afraid and ashamed of facing my own darkness.
    • But God knows healing hurts and He won’t make me suffer in vain. He always comforts me and celebrates my healing with me.
  • I know it’s going to take my whole life to become the unique masterpiece, the saint, that God envisioned.
    • I’m learning to ask Him for the grace to enjoy the process of being made whole and to enjoy being His beloved work in progress.           
About Author

Citlalin Ossio is an avid fantasy writer and reader, whose work is heavily inspired by her Catholic faith, her Mexican heritage, and Nintendo’s Legend of Zelda. Her fantasy short stories have been featured in various anthologies, and one, She Has No Voice, won second place in the Prose category for Rehumanize International’s 2021 Create | Encounter. She is a joyful single living in Texas with her family and enjoys creating art, playing video games, and watching anime and Korean dramas. When she’s not writing or spending time with her loved ones she’s on Instagram @citlalinossio, or dreaming about raising a panda army.

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