Is There Freedom with Infertility?

It has been 10 years on this journey through infertility. My husband and I have never conceived. I can’t remember the last time that I even used a pregnancy test. Bringing up the mere words “fertility” or “infertility” can bring about a visceral reaction in me. It’s an extremely personal and sensitive subject, even amidst actively writing a book about it (to help with my healing and others) and having 10 years of experience through it.

As any man or woman carrying this cross will share, there are innumerable negative emotions and experiences are connected with infertility. Just like any other cross, unless you’ve carried it, it’s hard to truly know the depth of emotional wreckage of this type of grief. So, when our Chief Storyteller asked me if I’d write this post whether there is freedom in this suffering, I was up for the challenge but still uncertain of how I’d tackle it as I am writing a whole book on the topic after all. But there are a few thoughts that float to the top of my deep repository on this subject, and that is what I discuss in the video in much greater depth.

What is Freedom?

• There are certain freedoms we enjoy, like constitutional. This isn’t what I’m referring to. I’m talking interior freedom.
• Others, which also applies to God and the Devil, cannot strip you of interior freedom.
  • What is interior freedom? Let’s look to Fr. Jacques Phillipe.
    • “Even in the most difficult circumstances we possess within ourselves a space of freedom that nobody can take away, because God is its source and guarantee.”
    • Unless we recognize this, we will never be truly happy.
    • Author Jacques Philippe develops a simple but important theme: we gain possession of our interior freedom in exact proportion to our growth in faith, hope, and love. He explains that the dynamism between these three theological virtues is the heart of the spiritual life, and he underlines the key role of the virtue of hope in our inner growth.”
• My interior freedom grows the more that I grow in faith, hope and love. As I die to myself and accept my sufferings, let God love me and use me just as I am in my current vocation, my freedom will grow in like measure.

How Do We Grow in Freedom?

• If I am waiting on my circumstances to change, or God to intervene and always make everything the way that I want it to be, then I’m not free. I’m allowing circumstances or my desired outcomes to dictate my happiness, which takes away a level of freedom.
• As I say, “Thy will be done,” I’m not making conditions around it.
• Example – Mel Gibson as William Wallace in Braveheart. “Aye. Fight and you may die. Run, and you’ll live…at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance – just one chance – to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives [with growing excitement] but they’ll never take our freedom!”
• We have free will. So, we have the ability to make choices.
  • Will we live in the bondage of sin, or will we turn to God to help us?
  • Will we allow our brokenness and wounds to dictate how we approach life?
  • Will we accept our crosses from God or will we rail against them, either by taking matters into our own hands, living in denial, or trying to avoid feelings and everything in between.
• I’m still working on living from a true place of interior freedom. There are many parts of my heart that have accepted God’s will whatever that is.
  • There are other parts that are still traumatized and wounded, and where my anxiety disorder makes it harder for me to operate in total trust.
  • I’m allowing him to journey inward with me when He sees that I’m ready, to bring all of this under His healing direction.
  • Part of my healing has come from sharing my story. This is important, because our stories help heal – by sharing them it helps us and others to heal. That is where we can find transformation, that God brings good from our suffering, purpose from pain, our calling from our crucible.

RESOURCES:

Infertility Novena for Couples Trying to Conceive FREE Download | Printable

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Interior Freedom by Fr. Jacques Philippe